Just one simple question....
Where - WHERE! - is my snow?
Everybody else got some why didn't I?
That's a bit of a lie - there was a half inch mid-week.
Then it rained.
And it evaporated (alright, technically melted).
I have a green lawn.
I don't want a green lawn. I'd rather like a pretty white one. You know, like what I've seen on the tele and all.
I still have flowers on the rose bushes - admittedly they got caught by the frost a while back and I'm too lazy to excise them but... they still bear the impression of being flowers, just sort of freeze-dried versions.
There's a lot of water about.
It sits on the road all frozen and treacherous (i.e. plotting to overthrow Her Madge, Gawd bless Her Royal Majestic Highnessness). The temperature outside shames my refridgerator. And the cold has got into all the joints I've generally broken, dislocated or otherwise misplaced over the years.
Guess what I'm saying here is: I've got all the bad bits of Winter without the one redeeming feature. Pretty white stuff coating everything. Pristine by day, glowing by night and muffling the world's infernal din for the duration.
Of course, I know why I don't get snow in quite the same way or at the same time as others: to the East, the Cotswolds; to the North, the Malverns; to the South, more Cotswolds; to the West, the Forest of Dean and Welsh Mountains. By the time the clouds pass over these they can be a bit spent.
Don't get me wrong, it's not that I want the eight foot drifts and 'Traffic Chaos'. But three or four inches that sticks around long enough so as to say 'Winter has come and you do actually live in the same country as everybody else', well, that might be nice.
But before anyone thinks 'how dare you complain about having it easy', just remember when all that snow melts the water has to go somewhere... an' roun' 'ere we call tha' floodin'.